Tonight was a case where I felt perfect doing the "positive thinking" thing. I woke up from a nap really grumpy on my way to dinner. As dinner was being served, I got worried that my nastiness would break out and kill the evening. So I told myself, "Okay Phil, cheer yourself up." Then my automatic response was, "But I can't!" Then I talked to myself again, "What would it take to cheer you up?" So I started scanning my memory for pleasant thoughts, looking for something that would set my mood right. It took a while actually because my grumpy-bias was making me only seek out negative thoughts. After about a minute, I did find a thought that really lifted me up. As soon as I visualized a friend who recently did something nice for me, I was off to happy land. The rest of the evening transpired well, I told a joke or two, and the bad mood turned out to be short-lived.

It wasn't necessarily the thought that lifted me up, but the whole process of scanning positivity. This digging through your memory for the good creates a tidal wave of optimistic intention. You want to make yourself feel good, and so your whole mind marches in step to that goal.

I've always heard of this practice of "positive thinking" but I could never apply it. My attempts in the past were usually either overkill or improperly timed. They were overkill when I tried to positivethink my whole day into bliss. This didn't work because it's a short-cut to happiness. Fortunately, our minds reject such tricks.

Another type of failed "positive thinking" is when I do it at the wrong time. An example would be trying to "be positive" when someone smacks you in the face. Responding with such surrender is akin to a "battered-wife" syndrome, where you aid attackers by ducking your head under the water for them. I used to do this around friends who I needed but who I couldn't stand. When they hurt me, I tried to "be positive" and shrug off the attack, without realizing that a better option would be to either communicate my feelings or leave the friend. This kept digging me into a hole with bad friends until I'd eventually lash out while they become surprised that I was stewing the whole time. What I learned is to not use "positive thinking" as a method of suppression. Some negative thoughts need to be felt, others do not. Be wise and know the difference.

My grumpiness situation, on the other hand, was a situation where my negativity was a meaningless, pure aftertaste from waking up.