Have you ever tried a happiness-boosting program (like meditation or positive thinking) only to find yourself faltering within a month? In my case, I've done this so many times that I've become cynical about the whole field.

Sonja Lyubomirsky unravels all this in The How of Happiness. Everything she says is backed by research into positive psychology. And here is the best answer I've heard to "What is the secret to happiness?"

Yet fit is absolutely critical. So much so that I'll go out on a limb here and say that if there's any "secret" to becoming happier, the secret is in establishing which happiness strategies suit you best.

I know it sounds too simple to be true, but since reading this book, I've become a believer.

Sonja then proceeds to describe 12 happiness activities that have been proven to increase happiness. She suggests you pick four that serve as a best fit (she has a worksheet to help figure this out) and then follow those. Here's the list:

1. Gratitude
2. Optimism
3. Not thinking too much
4. Kindness
5. Socialization
6. Coping
7. Forgiveness
8. Flow
9. Savoring
10. Goals
11. Spirituality
12. Medidation, Exercise, and Smile/Laugh therapy

Most of these you may have already heard before, and maybe have even tried, but Sonja goes into the nitty-gritty about what makes each of those happiness activites tick, and how to fulfill their purpose.

For example, I've heard about "positive thinking" since I was little, but I've always been weary of the idea. "How can you think your way to happiness?" I even tried it a couple times and it just scrambled my head. Or I tried meditation for a month and after awhile I just get too fidgety to continue with the program.

With Sonja's "secret" in mind, maybe I just need to focus on goal-setting and flow-activities as my happiness program. Those are much more suited to my personality. Or maybe instead of trying to meditate, I can work on my "stillness" practice, whereby I just close my eyes, turn off all distractions, and just sit still for a while.

In other words, if you've given up on happiness strategies before, perhaps "you've been doing it all wrong" and need to be reminded of what works and what doesn't work.