Cognitive therapy dictates that it's not external events that affect your emotions. Rather it's your thoughts or interpretations of those events that make the difference.

There is some truth to that. Even if you catch your lover having an affair, it's the thoughts in your head that matter: "This is someone I love, this is something they shouldn't do, therefore this is an injustice, and I need to respond."

But to what extent can we control these automatic thoughts? Many interpretations of reality are so ingrained in us that they create an immediate visceral response, similar to how a pinprick will go straight from stimulus to feeling, skipping any thought process.

So if we take a page from cognitive therapy, the rule "adversity = thoughts" probably shouldn't be viewed in black and white.